The good old days

When I was younger and in middle school I think I remember being a relatively normal kid, aside from being freakishly tall. Then, somewhere along the way I started to feel as though I was on the outside. My friends seemed to be different. Acting different. There seemed to be a growing separation between me and my friends. I was told that it was just my imagination and that it was just a part of growing up. I believed that for a long time.

In high school the growing separation had become a giant void. I knew there where things I was missing out on. I wasn't included in any of the activities my friends were into. But I had no proof. They would be talking about something they did and it sounded like it was a lot of fun. But I never knew what was going on. Nobody ever involved me.

I was told again and again that it was all in my head, that I was over sensitive and overreacting. I felt completely isolated in high school. I didn't know what was wrong with me, why I was so worked up over something that wasn't happening.

Well, I'm 47 now and computers have transformed our society so epically that there are no secrets anymore. I am embarrassed to say that I check out facebook at lease once a day. A majority of my friends are from high school. And most of them post pictures of those long lost days back in high school.

And I have to say, much to my relief, I was not wrong back then. I was not over reacting or misreading the situation. My friends did do a lot of stuff back then. I was simply not their friend.

Ok, enough soul crushing self pity for now.

I'm sick and I have to rest.

Ok time to get serious. Really.

I've been spending some time reflecting on the things I've done and the direction my life has been going. And what I have concluded so far is that I am both a very complex person and a very simple person all wrapped up in very lost person.

First off, I suffer from wanderlust. It's a real thing. It's something that I have deal with every day.

In short I can't be in one place for any extended period of time. Why? I don't know. I have always had that travel bug but it isn't as simple as wanting to go somewhere. I actually enjoy being on the road. I enjoy having a destination. And once I get there I feel as though I belong there. Until the need for moving hits me again. 

I have traveled around the world, not a great deal of it but more than the averadge person. Even when I was in Germany I found friends and had a good time all the while not speaking much German.

The travel is what I enjoy flying, driving, sailing, it doesn't matter what mode of transport I use, although I prefer driving myself.

This need, this wanderlust has pushed me in directions that have brought me to where I am today.

Nowhere.

I have trouble holding jobs because the need gets so bad that I go into this self destruct mode that I can't control and it won't stop until I drive.

Just get on the road and drive.

I hate the feeling I eventually get when I'm in one place too long and it's always the same. 

Trapped.

All that goes through my mind all day is 'get out while you can.'

I'm having that problem at my current job. I love the work, the people are easy to get along with. The pay is not great but it pays the bills.

I have been there for just under three months and winter is starting to rear its ugly head.

I want to go south to warmer weather. The need is growing.

I'm starting to make excuses to myself why I won't make it there. Just leave.

I'm good at what I do and as far as I can tell I'm liked there. But I have doubts in the back of my mind that creep up and stop any nonsense that I coud possibly be a contributing worker in a company that shurly will see that I am a fraud.

But I'm not a fraud. I'm good at what I do. Why can't I be normal.

Ok, enough for today.

Wow, has it been ten months since my last post?

Indeed it has.
In short, here is an update on my progress.
(picture a tumbleweed crossing a road.)
I have many excuses, but my favorite one has to be lack of money.
I had rented my house to a fellow who decided to up and leave to go out west and stiffed me for rent as well as running up my electric to the tune of twelve hundred dollars. And the total cost to me after I had the power re-connected was in the fifteen hundred range.
So needless to say, my limited funds had become down right pitiful.
I changed directions and built a CNC table for cutting signage and various other things. I have also built a 3D printer from scatch in hopes that I can build more and sell them. So far I have sold one.
The CNC table is my go to machine to make all kinds of signage as well as cutting parts for the 3D printer.
Once I get a little cash flow established I can continue my house modifications.
So now onto the house. In order to better utilize my space I moved the kitchen one room over and made the old kitchen into my new living area. I like the new layout a lot better.
I will be disconnecting myself from the grid in July of '14 so I have to get my keister in gear and build my generator.
I have a small four thousand watt generator I will be rebuilding into something that does not use petroleum.
I still have some experimenting to do.
The composing toilet system is in the works and I am currently sourcing parts.
My trip to New Mexico is still going to happen although I may not be driving my RV. Due to the cost of petrol I will be driving my 94 Toyota Camry. Will it make it? I'm not sure but I will have used less gas.
I still can't believe it's been ten months.

The new project has started

I'm here. And it's good to be back in a quiet place in my own house.
The last tenant left the place a mess but with the help of my friends I'm getting it back into shape.
The first step was to get the power hooked back up so I can do the work necessary. The whole point of the renovation is to get myself off the grid so I don't plan on keeping the power hooked up. My hopes are to have a stand alone system up and running by the spring.
After the dust settles I will start on the heating system.
Currently I heat with a wood stove and it does a great job. The drawback is that I have to constantly tend the fire. So I cannot venture out very far for long or the house will freeze.
My idea is to construct a wood gasifier. This will provide both heat for the house and gas to run a generator.
I need to sit down and figure out the size so I can run it round the clock with minimal refueling. I'm thinking once a day.
So I need to locate a generator and modify it for my purposes.
The gasifier is the easy part oddly enough. I'm going to take a few designs I've researched and incorporate some automation. I would like to use sawdust since I have a fairly large supply of it but the issues with using that fuel is a challenge. I would also like to use wood scrap so the machine will need to be flexible as far as the design of the burn chamber is concerned.
Once I have the gasifier done I can vent the gas into another device to burn it for heat until I get the generator. Maybe I can modify a gas water heater?

Putting the finishing touches on the rv

I have been fighting with the idea of driving my rv to my house but in its current state it may not make it.
I had all the systems fixed but when I drove it to its current location I lost the directionals and I still don't know why.
And on the way the drive shaft bearing started to vibrate so it will need to be replaced. But on the other hand it may make the 900 miles if I baby it and stop often.
I don't know.
All I know right now is that I can't sleep because I have all these thoughts racing through my head.
Maybe I will see things more clearly in the morning.

Here I go

Well, I finally did it.
I decided to cast off everything and go off the grid.
I've researched a lot of alternative systems and I have arrived at the point where I can safely start implementing my ideas.
The first step is going to be altering my house to make the transition easier. This includes installing a composting toilet, low power LED lighting and a better heat source.
I will have power by way of a modified generator which I will only use when I need it otherwise I will utilize a storage system charged by a windmill.
I'm excited and terrified at the same time.
Stay tuned. . .

Someone is trying to tell me something

I really don't want to leave New Mexico, and so far my flight was delayed twice and it was overbooked so they were offering $300 vouchers to anybody willing to give up their seat for a later flight. If they were offering cash I would have done it.