Ok time to get serious. Really.

I've been spending some time reflecting on the things I've done and the direction my life has been going. And what I have concluded so far is that I am both a very complex person and a very simple person all wrapped up in very lost person.

First off, I suffer from wanderlust. It's a real thing. It's something that I have deal with every day.

In short I can't be in one place for any extended period of time. Why? I don't know. I have always had that travel bug but it isn't as simple as wanting to go somewhere. I actually enjoy being on the road. I enjoy having a destination. And once I get there I feel as though I belong there. Until the need for moving hits me again. 

I have traveled around the world, not a great deal of it but more than the averadge person. Even when I was in Germany I found friends and had a good time all the while not speaking much German.

The travel is what I enjoy flying, driving, sailing, it doesn't matter what mode of transport I use, although I prefer driving myself.

This need, this wanderlust has pushed me in directions that have brought me to where I am today.

Nowhere.

I have trouble holding jobs because the need gets so bad that I go into this self destruct mode that I can't control and it won't stop until I drive.

Just get on the road and drive.

I hate the feeling I eventually get when I'm in one place too long and it's always the same. 

Trapped.

All that goes through my mind all day is 'get out while you can.'

I'm having that problem at my current job. I love the work, the people are easy to get along with. The pay is not great but it pays the bills.

I have been there for just under three months and winter is starting to rear its ugly head.

I want to go south to warmer weather. The need is growing.

I'm starting to make excuses to myself why I won't make it there. Just leave.

I'm good at what I do and as far as I can tell I'm liked there. But I have doubts in the back of my mind that creep up and stop any nonsense that I coud possibly be a contributing worker in a company that shurly will see that I am a fraud.

But I'm not a fraud. I'm good at what I do. Why can't I be normal.

Ok, enough for today.